literally had 100 drinks last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Houston, we have a blender
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
