A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
