Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
