i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
