Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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