I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize