hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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