Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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