Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
