Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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