Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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