She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just pynch a tree in the face
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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