a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
