very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
