my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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