And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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