she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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