Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
