Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
