I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
