just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
