Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
