1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Pooping to opera.
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