His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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