I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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