I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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