apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
