take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
