I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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