dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
