Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
