the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
