Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
