I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
