I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
