Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
