There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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