How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
