i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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