we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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