I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
