im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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