stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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