we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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