I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
