I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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