Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
