She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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