I cannot find my penis.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
