My underwear smells like fireworks.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This house was built for laser tag.
two words...techno handjob
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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