Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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