dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
