I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
