He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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