I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
