It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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