She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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