so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
