drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
