somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
