Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The struggles of a small town man whore
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
