I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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