i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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