Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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