3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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