doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
