she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
