You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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