Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize