your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
