i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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